Colossians 1:16-17

We serve an AWESOME God!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e4zgJXPpI4&feature=player_embedded

Remembering & Rejoicing

I feel completely blessed.

Our family has, once again, been humbled by your love and support to us. We took a day away to be together as a family and remember our baby girl in her city, Charleston. I know that it may sound strange to some that we go there to "get away"...to the place where her hardest days were spent but to us it's where one of the greatest joys joined our family...and we became a family of four. It just so happened that two of our favorite nurses contacted me earlier in the week to let me know that they were getting low on Annabelle Baskets so we delivered another batch first stop. We took 18 special edition Easter baskets! A VERY special thanks to Dana from Florida & Gale from Simpsonville for all the special Easter goodies! We have so much that we had to take two loads & will be taking more in a couple of weeks when I have the new baby's echo done there! It set the tone for our trip & gave us a tremendous reason to REJOICE! Annabelle's life continues to impact others & bring everyone involved in her amazing ministry such joy & hope! This brings to mind another very special Annabelle Basket opportunity that we are working on...I will be making an announcement soon!

This special bunny was delivered to a very special little girl, Addi, who has spent over 100 days at MUSC. She will be going home this week! (We had to take it to her early with hopes that she will be home when we go back!) Oh & don't you just LOVE the heart hairbow??? I precious blog friend, Danielle, had this one & many more made just for the heart baby girls! They are adorable!

After making our special delivery, we headed to Shem Creek for a yummy seafood dinner! Another blog friend & Annabelle Basket donor, Erica, hooked us up with a great hotel rate through her best friend (so we were able to spend more on fun family things!). We had a very slow Friday morning...remembering the precious moments we shared with Annabelle one year ago. It was nice to be in a different place completely secluded as a family. We were able to talk and pray together all morning. Once we did get going, we had no official plans & Wyatt talked us into going to the SC Aquarium. It was one of his favorite places to visit when we were at the hospital last year with Annabelle but neither Scott nor I ever got to go with him. My daddy & my Aunt Brenda had taken him last year so he was ready to show us all the sea creatures he remembered. We had a great visit after checking out every single exhibit there & decided to head to East Bay Street for lunch!

On our way home, we stopped by Annabelle's special place to change her hairbow...she needed her baseball bow on for Wyatt's first teeball game today (that ended up getting rained out). Annabelle had arranged to have an angel deliver a letter to us from her and it was there waiting for us. Scott and I couldn't even see it at certain times because the tears were so thick in our eyes. We don't know who our baby girl chose to give us such a special letter but we know through the words that the precious spirit that shared it with us knows our's and our daughter's heart intimately. We will always cherish it.

We were welcomed home with a delicious meal on the doorstep that was totally unexpected but perfect as I didn't even have milk in the fridge (thank you, Mandy...you meet needs that we don't even know we have) & gifts at the door from friends all over the US! I think the mail lady and FedEx guy made a few stops while we were gone. The mailbox was full of letters of love & our answering machine was blinking like crazy! We have felt your love and are humbled that you think so much of our family to do the gracious acts of kindness that you have. Your love has touched us this week & reminded us that our girl is still making an impact! We cannot thank you enough!

Ordained

As tomorrow approaches and we mark the first anniversary of our daughter's passing from this life into Eternity, I have been searching and clinging to scriptures that wipe out any doubt from my mind that losing her wasn't supposed to be. If you have experienced the loss of a child or anyone that seemed to be taken at the wrong time or too early, then you know what I mean. Everyone says that it isn't fair or that's it's too soon and, for the most part, they are right.

According to this world, she was taken far too soon and missed out on so many things that she should have had the opportunity to experience. This is where selfish human nature overtakes God's Plan.

Today, I am choosing not to be selfish when everything in me wants to be. I want to curl up and hide from the coming days but I can't because tomorrow was ordained to be her day.

According to Webster's II New Riverside University Dictionary, ordain means to prearrange unalterably. There is nothing that I could have done, that the medical team could have done or anyone could have done to change the fact that March 27, 2008 was the day from the beginning of time that God had ordained for her to join Him in her Heavenly Home. I know that. I have thought through every single second of those hours. Everything that could have been done was and more.

It was arranged and planned just for her...I just didn't know it.

I am a bit of a compulsive planner but knowing that the Master of Our Universe planned that day and that moment for my daughter gives me the feeling that her Homecoming was uniquely perfect down to every tiny detail. As I was dressing her and changing her diaper that morning planning on taking her for her two month well checkup, God was sending angels throughout Heaven to gather up the exact greeters He had chosen to welcome her Home. He probably had my mother smock her a new gown for her earlier that morning and make her a hairbow in just the same fashion she had made for me for so many years. They were ready, He was ready and that moment was perfect according to His Plan.

That is what I choose to believe and how I will handle tomorrow...please pray that for our family as we remember the day that was prearranged unalterably for our Annabelle.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:13-16

I look for God a lot. I get frustrated wanting signs and not having them as often or exactly when I want them. Like our butterflies (which have been in abundance lately and even made an appearance at the end of November in 17 degree weather...I am not butterfly specialist but I didn't think they like cold weather, much less freezing!). Or like blue birds that somehow still show up on days I need them most even when I neglect to put out bird food for them. Don't you just love it when you cry out to Jesus for a sign from Him showing you He's there and He cares and He just smacks you right dab in the face? I got a smack yesterday.

After my previous post yesterday morning, I had a minor meltdown and cried out to God begging Him to make Himself known to me. I needed something in my desperation and told Him that I would be purposeful in searching for Him throughout my day in all that I did. I had plans to go to the Tot Trade for the presale (that probably led a little to my meltdown...I wanted to be shopping for pink, too). By the way, the Tot Trade is an insanely huge & overwhelming children's consignment experience. I seriously considered just not going but I have just about nothing for a baby boy since I have an ebay addiction and have sold just about all of Wyatt's fancy clothes online to make money for that current season clothes and gave away everything else to some other families who needed it more than my rubbermaid container. So, I pulled myself together and went...list in hand. I didn't expect Jesus to show up on a tot trade rack but He did...enter exhibit A.

First, the little long-sleeved onesie caught my eye because of the message embroidered on it. "Jesus loves me..."...well, there He is in baby blue thread telling me that this baby is from Him and a precious part of the plan He has for our family. Then, I noticed something else attached to the back of it.

Yes, my dears, a precious matching little newborn gown. So, I glanced at the consignment tag to check the price...$5! You've got to be kidding me...this is....

BRAND NEW & my FAVORITE baby brand that I just mentioned in my post earlier that morning. (Friends, this was the only Kissy Kissy on the newborn rack & I couldn't believe it hadn't been snagged up at the pre-presale the night before! I'm guessing the two of these together retail at around $50 or more.)

SMACK!

Oh, how God shows up! He's so there and He's in control of all of this!

Thank you, Sweet Jesus, for this gift from You! Thank you for truly knowing my heart and knowing exactly how to show me you care. I love you!

Missing

It's always in the back of my mind...and sometimes on the forefront. I feel it when I am out shopping & laying in bed at home. Something is missing. She is missing and it isn't the same. It never will be...at least not on this earth.

The three of us cuddled up together in bed last night and I just couldn't help but cry. She should be there stuck right smack dab in the middle of us...she was a year ago. She was perfectly curled up on my chest sleeping so peacefully. She had Scott "pinned down" and wrapped around her tiny little finger. (You would be amazed at the strength he swears she had...able to keep a grown man stuck to the sofa for hours! Who am I kidding though? She did it to me, too.)

I attempted to shop for our newest little one. I am in love with a brand called Kissy Kissy...Annabelle and Wyatt wore it lots. It is the softest, sweetest little layette clothing. I thought after Monday's appointment that I was ready to get excited a little. I know we still have a long way to go and more tests to be done but I wanted to celebrate. I love to dress my children so clothing it was. I hit a precious little boutique just down the road that carries my favorite baby brand...the same boutique that I purchased Annabelle's coming home outfit from...gown, bonnet, blanket & booties. It's mostly for little girls but I thought I remembered some sweet baby boy things. So, I went...alone. I stayed away from the girl clothes knowing that I would find something perfect for my little girl and never have the opportunity to dress her in it. I try to remind myself in those moments that these are earthly treasures and she is wearing dresses smocked with gold thread and adorned with gems I've never seen. It helps a little but, to me, she is still missing...missing from my arms and missing from the picture that others see when they see our family... and there is a huge void that can only be filled by her.

I am missing her more today knowing that I am only one week away from the moment she was carried away to Paradise. And I am here...without her...missing her and everything she is to me.

We went to the doctor & what did we see?

A 4-chambered heart on our little baby!!!

It seems we have a friendly little one on the way..."Hey Y'all!"

Or maybe baby is saying...

Wyatt will have a little buddy to play catch with soon...

"I'm a BOY!"

Home

One year ago yesterday we brought our Annabelle home. She was loved, kissed, snuggled, cuddled, held & entertained (by her big brother) endlessly. We are so thankful for the time the Lord allowed us to love her in our home...to share the dwelling place and earthly home He's given us with her.

In 23 days from today, we will remember the day He took her to her Heavenly Home. The place she is healed perfectly and now shares with yet another one of her little heart sisters, Gracie. I know they are dancing with Jesus now.

Please continue to lift Gracie's family to our Lord in comforting, peace-filled prayer. She is HOME but, as I know all too well, their hearts will be HOMESICK until they meet their Maker and see their daughter again.

Annabelle Basket Blessings!

Several friends have touched my heart deeply in the past few weeks. I'd like to share them with you...

A month or so ago, I shared with you a beautiful yellow crocheted newborn hat that a friend had made for the baskets. A few weeks ago, we met for her to give us more! She had knit 20 more for the baskets!!! They are absolutely beautiful...yellow, blue, white & pink (& I hear that she's done even more in more colors)! They are just perfect! We included them in the most recent baskets that we delivered yesterday to MUSC. I added a little girly touch to the girl's hats...BOWS, of course! Take a look!

Another blessing from another kindred spirit...the "A is for Annabelle: A Doll's Alphabet" children's books! They were also included in the most recent batch! I had not even thought about adding books but as soon as I received them I remembered reading to Annabelle in the ICU when I couldn't hold her...a precious, precious memory of mothering her. She heard lots about being God's Little Princess but I am sure she would have loved this book, too! I know other heart moms will love the books and sharing this beautiful moment with their little girls!

Last summer, I came home to a bag on my front porch FULL of blankets & socks for the Annabelle Baskets! I knew from the adorable stuff in that bag that the generous donor and I would get along very well! She has a babydoll little girl and has been so touched by the heart community that she incorporated her very own classroom at the school where she teaches in raising awareness for CHD! They held their annual Jump Rope for Heart the night before Valentine's and, oh my goodness, look at the impact our little girl has made! I received this picture last week and just laughed & cried all at the same time! These children are PRECIOUS! (Extra points to the guys for wearing pink, too!) Oh, and one of her boys raised the most money of their student body...$1000 (very impressive for a 4th grader)!

My heart is full!